The Night Before B-Day

Tip of the Day: The release date for I Heart You, You Haunt Me by Lisa Schroeder is tomorrow!

So we’re excited here for the release date of I Heart You, You Haunt Me. Tomorrow’s the launch date. Will that happen to me one day? Will I ever know the feeling called “my book releases tomorrow”? What would I do the night before release day? I’m sure I’ll be diligently working on my next book, absorbed in work in progress.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Okay, seriously, I think the first thing I’d do is look up my book on my public library system. Then I’d get frustrated when I couldn’t find it. Don’t they remember me? I’ve paid them enough in late fees to buy cases of my books. Actually I just looked up “Fall” in my county library system and, to my surprise, they don’t have any books by anyone named Fall. So at least I never have to worry about anyone saying about me, “Oh, that Kate Fall. I thought you meant the popular writer Kate Fall, not her.”

Next I would stare at my book cover, because I’m assuming I would love it. Why not, right? I’m fascinated with graphic art and entranced by font designs. Most likely, I’d be thinking the cover came out so much better than the words inside it. And resisting the urge to call the publisher and ask if it would be okay if I changed the ending to chapter 4, because that ending worked fine on an early draft of the book, but really, it makes no sense now, and I was never entirely happy with that scene, come to think of it. This would be the point in my projected night where my husband would hand me a strong drink.

Next I would turn off the phone. Oh, I should have done that first. Because I can’t imagine having anything coherent to say. I’m picturing this:

Phone voice: “Hello, this is your garbage collection company, we haven’t received your payment recently and—”
Me: “What? I don’t have time for this. My book is coming out tomorrow!”
Phone voice: “So you’ll be paying us tomorrow?”
Me: “No! My book goes on sale tomorrow. Who is this?”
Phone voice: “Your garbage company. So, good luck on the book sales, and about your payment—”
Me: “Sales! Don’t even say that word. Shut up, shut up, shut up!”
Phone voice: “Okay, honey, is your Mommy home?”

Eventually I’d make a mental list of all the people who might possibly read my book who I least want to read it. The gorgeous guy from high school who shares physical characteristics with my MC’s crush: maybe his daughter will buy the book, and he’ll see my name … no, no, I use my husband’s family name, the book will fall open and he’ll see my picture, that’s it, and he’ll skim the book. Then he’ll tell everyone in my hometown that I’ve obviously been in love with him for decades and I’m probably a stalker besides.

I’m very glad I took a few minutes to outline what I might do the night before my book launch. Because now I know what I’ll really do: watch “Airplane” and “The Naked Gun” and occupy my mind by anticipating all the dialogue. What’s the craziest thing you picture yourself doing the night before your book release? What’s the craziest thing you’ve done?

Kate, Miss Apprentice Writer