Monday, January 7, 2008

The Night Before B-Day

Tip of the Day: The release date for I Heart You, You Haunt Me by Lisa Schroeder is tomorrow!

So we’re excited here for the release date of I Heart You, You Haunt Me. Tomorrow’s the launch date. Will that happen to me one day? Will I ever know the feeling called “my book releases tomorrow”? What would I do the night before release day? I’m sure I’ll be diligently working on my next book, absorbed in work in progress.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Okay, seriously, I think the first thing I’d do is look up my book on my public library system. Then I’d get frustrated when I couldn’t find it. Don’t they remember me? I’ve paid them enough in late fees to buy cases of my books. Actually I just looked up “Fall” in my county library system and, to my surprise, they don’t have any books by anyone named Fall. So at least I never have to worry about anyone saying about me, “Oh, that Kate Fall. I thought you meant the popular writer Kate Fall, not her.”

Next I would stare at my book cover, because I’m assuming I would love it. Why not, right? I’m fascinated with graphic art and entranced by font designs. Most likely, I’d be thinking the cover came out so much better than the words inside it. And resisting the urge to call the publisher and ask if it would be okay if I changed the ending to chapter 4, because that ending worked fine on an early draft of the book, but really, it makes no sense now, and I was never entirely happy with that scene, come to think of it. This would be the point in my projected night where my husband would hand me a strong drink.

Next I would turn off the phone. Oh, I should have done that first. Because I can’t imagine having anything coherent to say. I’m picturing this:

Phone voice: “Hello, this is your garbage collection company, we haven’t received your payment recently and—”
Me: “What? I don’t have time for this. My book is coming out tomorrow!”
Phone voice: “So you’ll be paying us tomorrow?”
Me: “No! My book goes on sale tomorrow. Who is this?”
Phone voice: “Your garbage company. So, good luck on the book sales, and about your payment—”
Me: “Sales! Don’t even say that word. Shut up, shut up, shut up!”
Phone voice: “Okay, honey, is your Mommy home?”

Eventually I’d make a mental list of all the people who might possibly read my book who I least want to read it. The gorgeous guy from high school who shares physical characteristics with my MC’s crush: maybe his daughter will buy the book, and he’ll see my name … no, no, I use my husband’s family name, the book will fall open and he’ll see my picture, that’s it, and he’ll skim the book. Then he’ll tell everyone in my hometown that I’ve obviously been in love with him for decades and I’m probably a stalker besides.

I’m very glad I took a few minutes to outline what I might do the night before my book launch. Because now I know what I’ll really do: watch “Airplane” and “The Naked Gun” and occupy my mind by anticipating all the dialogue. What’s the craziest thing you picture yourself doing the night before your book release? What’s the craziest thing you’ve done?

Kate, Miss Apprentice Writer

12 comments:

DeenaML said...

There are no "Lipomi" MCLS entries either, so yup, they'll know it's ME when my book is released and circulating.

On my night before B-day, I'll most likely be having an anxiety attack. And endlessly emailing all my author2author girls so they can talk me out of my upcoming ulcer/heart attack.

Lisa Schroeder said...

Kate, I hope you are writing a humorous book, because you are funny, girl!

But, uh, Naked Gun? Do you really know all the dialogue from Naked Gun???

So - I'm going to read all the on-line stuff about Brittney tonight because even if my book sucks rotten eggs and doesn't sell over 10 copies, nothing is as bad as what's going on with that poor girl. It's all about perspective, right? :)

Oh, and I'm going to get ready for a big surprise on my personal blog tomorrow -
http://lisa-schroeder.livejournal.com/.
Stay tuned!!!

Jessica Burkhart said...

Very funny, Kate! :) I can't imagine what I'll do the day my book releases. Go stalk people at Books a Million, perhaps? ;)

Emily Marshall said...

OMG, this is hilarious, Kate. I LOVED it. I have no idea what I would be doing, but I imagine it would be something very similar to you!

And Lisa, can't wait for the surprise!

Kristina Springer said...

Kate you are hysterical! I love this post! Too fun!

Ok, what would I be doing? Totally freaking out, getting sick, not being able to sleep, shaking with nerves, and telling anyone that will listen to me (mostly my husband) can you believe it's coming out tomorrow? Can you believe it? People are going to read it tomorrow! It will be in stores! Yeah-- I'm a major freaker outer and I would be majorly freaking out. :-)

roz said...

Hi all! I'm new to your blog and it's fabulous.
Let me just say, Kate,you aren't going to be the "apprentice writer" for long. YOU ARE HILARIOUS and I know I'll be seeing your books on the shelves...and reading them!

Ghost Girl said...

Holy cow, Kate! You crack me up! I just got an e-mail that my book is going to be recommended to the senior editor, and I can hardly think straight. Coming out tomorrow...I'd be over the moon, probably half pissed (drunk, I mean), and kissing everyone within a 10-foot radius of me.

Right now, I just want to plaster my email on every wall and call all my friends. (Am I pathetic, yet!). Sadly, I have a fairly common name, so I have to think about what name will be on my own rambling brat. Not trying to rip off J.K. Rowling, but I'll probably use my initials just set myself apart from 2 other people with the same name who have published.

Anyhoo...We'll be selling A2A's releases over here, that's for sure!

Party on, ladies!

DeenaML said...

MaryAnn/Ghost Girl, the Senior Editor is now reading your book? Eeeeeee! I am SO psyched for you! Keep A2A posted!!!

Kate Fall said...

Congrats Ghost Girl!!! That is great!

And Lisa, my fave part of Naked Gun is when Frank Drebbin wants to steal the umpire's uniform, so he walks up to the umpire, bat in hand, and asks "Excuse me, is this a regulation bat?" And soon as the guy looks at it, bonk, right between the eyes. Comedy gold.

Ghost Girl said...

Thanks so much, gals! I'm still pinching myself. We decided to splurge and go out for dinner tonight...not really a celebration--yet...and afterward, I just had to hit the book store. I pulled up Lisa's book on the B&N computer search and it said it was on the shelf! But I couldn't find it, so I guess they are sticking to tomorrow as the date. But they are stocked, I know that!

Rock on Sisters!

jmprince said...

You crack me up, Kate.
That is all.

Lisa Schroeder said...

ghostgirl, thanks for looking for my book. I hope it's there tomorrow!!!