Writer's Fear #71: Fear of Sloth

Tip of the Day: Fear of success for the win. J.K. Rowling admits to post-Harry Potter therapy. If someone expected me to write the next Harry Potter, I'd be in therapy too!

So this week my husband was hospitalized after being bit by a stray cat. All he did was try to feed a starving kitten. Result: 3 days in the hospital, minor surgery, and tons of IV antibiotics. I guess we dodged a rabies shot series. Usually, my teen daughter helps out with her little brother when I'm away from home (such as stuck in the emergency room trying to explain to doctors that my husband passed out because they didn't give him food for three days). However, she came down with bronchitis at the same time.

What am I doing about this one-two punch? Beating myself up for not getting any writing and critiquing done, of course!

I'm so lazy! Another writer--let's face it, a real writer--would have started a new novel in the hospital. It's not enough to think that someday, some romantic lead needs to be bitten by a stray cat. I should have that outlined. I should have done something. This is what separates the successful from the slothful! After I got home from the hospital, dosed out the girl's antibiotics, walked the dog in the rain, washed the dishes, cooked dinner, did laundry, and visited the hospital again, there were two hours before I fell asleep I could have used for writing.

And what did I do when I got my husband home from the hospital? I watched Star Trek all day on Netflix with him. OK, that's sort of an example of studying good writing. But you know, not really. It's not like I did anything.

It's the work ethic, that's the point. Plus now I've been out of my story groove forever. I couldn't have spared 15 minutes? I am a terrible person.

I have a huge fear of sloth, a constant, nagging feeling that I'd be a real writer if I wasn't so lazy. That in the end, I prefer to do nothing rather than work, and it will be my downfall. Motivation has always been the hardest part of writing for me. I've got a pretty darn good excuse this week, but what about next week? What will be the excuse then?

Eventually I feel so bad about it that I have to do something. And then I think, Wow, I'm pretty awesome. Look at me, Miss Accomplishment. But that mean girl voice inside my head is always ready to say: It wasn't enough, lazy pants.

-- Kate, Miss Perfecting the Pages

Fright Fest

Tip of the Day:  Want a chance to win an e-ARC of my upcoming novel, Afterlife? Click here to enter!

"When you're working on a book do you ever become paralyzed by fear?"

A writing friend of mine PM'd me over Facebook a couple days ago looking for an answer to this question.

I'm not sure if she expected me to say: "No! Writing is all flowers and hearts! I flit from page to page with joyful abandon, sure my perfect prose will win the Pulitzer!" *cue sparkles and butterflies*

Here's my actual answer: "Afraid? TERRIFIED 24/7. I am scared <bleep>less every time I write, every time I edit, and every time I publish a book. I am convinced everyone will hate it. I think every phrase is awkward. I am sure people are laughing at me behind my back.

Is that what you mean? lol. I think that's how we creative types define normal."

I think everyone needs to hear this once in a while. All writers are insecure. If we waited to feel good about our writing before continuing a project then I'd bet the only books on the shelf would be from literary luminaries like Snooki (who may have an incredible book - I don't know, I haven't read it).

 (I'd also really like to go on record and say that she could be a lovely person in real life. I'm talking REAL life, not that "reality" junk that's shown on TV.)

I think that confidence in writing becomes an even bigger minefield in self-publishing. SELF-PUBLISHING IS CRAP! DON'T SELF-PUBLISH! MICROSCOPIC BUGS WILL EAT YOUR BRAIN WHILE YOU'RE SLEEPING IF YOU SELF-PUBLISH! Isn't that what Jodi Piccoult said? ;) lol

Just because I self-publish, it doesn't mean I'm vain. I'm seriously insecure. I self-publish because I love telling stories. Are they perfect? Doubtful. But if I don't tell stories then it's quite possible my brain will explode and, really, nobody needs to clean up that mess.

No one writes because they have complete confidence in themselves and their work. We write to exorcise the demons. We write to express ourselves. We write to give others a piece of our souls. Is there any greater gift?

Give fear the finger and keep writing. 
-Megg Jensen
(feel free to quote me)

Megg, Miss Enchanted ePubber

ePublishing Panel or I Did Not Vomit

Tip of the Day:  Imagining people in their underwear during a presentation doesn't help everyone. Instead, keep a cup of water nearby and a cough drop to suck on. You'd be surprised how much those really do help. ;)

Last fall, my friend Jane Hertenstein contacted me for some advice about epublishing. We spent hours on the phone going over everything she needed to know about getting her books changed into ebook. She owned the rights and was really excited about this new technology.

Once her books were live and she was happy with her experience, she thought it would be great if I shared my knowledge with her SCBWI group. I could get up in front of an audience and talk.

Now, in real life, I really enjoy talking. I have a bit of a reputation (within my family, at least) for never shutting up. However, when it comes to speaking in front of a live audience, to people I don't know, I don't do well. My hands shake and sweat. My voice cracks and my mouth goes drier than the Sahara. I get nervous. I say stupid things and embarrass myself.

I promptly turned her down. Not only was I not confident enough in my speaking skills, I really felt I was too new to epublishing to get up in front a group and declare myself some kind of expert. So, I suggested a panel with me and my friends.

Jane agreed. We tried to set a date for winter, but it just didn't work out, so we decided to do it in March. My friends Karly Kirkpatrick and Norm Cowie sat on the panel with me and Susan Kaye Quinn came in support (I didn't know her when Jane & I set up the panel or I would have invited her to speak too.)

I spent a month being really nervous. Like heart-pounding, scared-to-death, convinced-I-was-going-to-vomit-on-Norm nervous. I considered backing out. As the months passed I focused more on my career and less on the upcoming meeting. My books took off. I learned so much more about epublishing every day. By the time March rolled around, I really felt like I had something to contribute to the panel.

My nervousness faded. I knew I had something to say - a lot of somethings, in fact. I told Jane the day before the panel that she might need to use bodily force on Karly, Norm, and me because we are all skilled in the art of talking.

How did the panel go? Fantastic! I felt like I really was able to impart my message to people. (ePublishing isn't for everyone and it isn't simple. ePublishing is a business, totally separate from writing.) I met some writers whose names I knew from the SCBWI listserv I belong to. It was a really fantastic afternoon.

Moral? Don't agree to speak on a panel as an expert unless you feel like you are one. Had the panel occurred last fall or winter (like we'd originally discussed), I would have been far more nervous because I didn't feel like I knew enough. By March, I had real facts, data, and experience to give out.

Since then I've been contacted by two other people to give talks about epubbing. Will I do it? Absolutely! And next time, I think I can even do it alone. :D

Karly, Megg, Norm

Megg, Miss Enchanted ePubber