Warning: I apologize in advance if my posts get more and more angsty with each passing week. I have a book coming out in less than two months. Need I say more?
Sometimes I wish I could go back to the days when the internet didn't exist. Do people even remember those days? Like, when I was in high school? No internet. We didn't send e-mails or IM each other or even text on our cell phones. We wrote notes and passed them to each other in the halls. By the way, how come I didn't keep those notes? Dang. I want those notes!
Anyway, reading blogs lately is not a good thing for me. It's like I read blogs of really famous authors who are selling mega books and their careers are booming and I think how I'll never be that famous, and I get depressed. Then I read about authors getting awards and how great their books are and I think, I'll never be that good of a writer. And I get more depressed. Then I read about all these new up-and-coming authors with two and three book deals and their stories sound SO awesome, and I think how they could be the next Stephenie Meyer and lucky them, and then I get super-duper depressed.
And now I'm probably making you depressed. Which is not something I want to do. But seriously, I think this is something that writers, published or not, have to figure out how to deal with. Just like in real life, there are always going to be people who have more than me. I have become pretty good at being thankful for what I have in life, and counting my blessings every day. I don't care that much about things. I care about relationships. I care about doing something that matters to me and hopefully helps to make the world a better place. I care about saving money, not spending it, so hopefully I can send my kids to college and do some traveling later in life.
So, in my book life, how can I be thankful for what I have, and not get caught up in wanting things I don't have and letting it weigh me down? Is it possible?
Perhaps I need to ask myself WHY do I find myself wanting the success, the awards, the fame?
Money is a small part of it. No, I don't want things, nor do I want a bigger house or a fancy car. But it comes back to saving for the future, and knowing with some peace of mind that things will be okay. I'd love to have a little more peace of mind.
Mostly, though, I think it's about how I perceive myself. There is something inside of me that no matter how hard I try to turn it off, I want to be one of the cool kids. One of the popular kids. I always have. I never quite made it in high school and I know in my heart I'll never quite make it in the publishing world.
So what's a girl to do?
A girl is to smack herself upside the head and say - "Knock it off." This is no different than me staring at the People magazine and getting all sad because I don't look like Heidi Klum. It's ridiculous! There is only one Heidi Klum. And it's NOT me.
As writers, just like teens, we have to become comfortable in our own skin. We have to be who we are and learn to accept ourselves as we are. Is it easy? No. Of course not! But it's the only choice, really. Every day, we can choose to be happy for what we get to do, which is WRITE, or we can choose to be depressed because of all that we don't have.
Now, I'm off to sit at the benches where the cool kids *don't* sit and there is no internet, and write a book that may or may not be fabulous. Care to join me? I'll write you a note with lots of Xs and Os. That's something I'm REALLY good at.
~Lisa, Miss Pinch Me I'm Pubbed